[Gentaro shifts closer, and Hifumi closes his eyes, bowing his head and pressing their foreheads together. It's light, but Hifumi seeks the slightest touch of warmth nonetheless.
He recognizes that this is vulnerability, that he didn't have to share quite this much, and now Hifumi feels small. He cherishes his bonds with Doppo and Sensei deeply, but he can't even claim this kind of belonging. And... he knows it's his own fault, for hiding behind a smile and a jacket. He's somber for a moment, considering, before he realizes with a soft laugh that he's gotta have some kind of ego to compare himself to someone else's experiences, story or not.
Belatedly, he registers that that last part might... be about him.]
Maybe... it's kind of like one of those enemies-to-lovers kind of deals? [It sounds like a joke, other than his tone being as sincere as it can be.]
[ Ah, well... Gentaro's caught off-guard by that. If it weren't for the fact that he knew Hifumi is so incredibly sincere... he'd definitely take it as a joke. But Hifumi is looking at him, holding him, and Gentaro can't doubt him at all.
Almost hesitantly, Gentaro slips his fingers through Hifumi's. He gives a quiet chuckle and squeezes his hands. ]
Maybe it is. [ His guarded expression shifts to something softer, more at ease. ] I'm quite fond of that idea, that is.
[Hifumi's face warms as Gentaro laces their fingers together, and he ducks his head slightly. But what he has to say is too important for him to get caught up in being excited or embarrassed.]
I just... don't want you to be lonely, if I can help it. You're working so hard, after all, aren't you? And no one's really looking out for you.
[ Gentaro blinks, once again surprised. He takes a breath to steady himself. It's not exactly true--Dice and Ramuda look out for him, in their own ways. But Gentaro so very rarely asks for help, and their looking out for him is a quiet thing that's never been spoken in such certain terms. ]
Hifumi... [ He tries to keep his voice from shaking slightly. He's only mostly successful. It's Gentaro's turn to duck his head slightly. ] If you're so determined... then I suppose I can allow it.
[ Is it obvious he's not used to letting people in? It must be. ]
[It's obvious, if only because Hifumi is in part the same way. He lets people in, but they know nothing. He hides from everyone but Doppo, really. And that's okay.
He's... for so many years, he thought that was okay.
And maybe it is! Maybe he doesn't need to open up, or reveal anything. Maybe all he needs to do to make this be a thing is to be that ray of sunshine self that everyone else loves or loathes. But someday... he can't say for sure so early, but maybe someday he could open up to Gentaro, and tell him his fears, his problems. He could stop pretending he doesn't have any, for the sake of appearances. Only Doppo has ever been a safe place, but he's been so terrified of his failings making Doppo collapse under the weight that he's kept it all to himself for ages now.
Gentaro ducks his head, and Hifumi hesitates, then tips his chin up slightly to kiss Gentaro on the forehead. It's more intimate than their earlier kiss, in its own way, and he hopes it's not too much, not unwelcome.]
[ How is it that Hifumi's already managed to make a space in Gentaro's heart? He isn't quite sure, and he thinks it will be some time before Hifumi's made a home there, but-- That he's even thinking that is a marvel all of its own.
It's the little things, like the kiss to his forehead. Like their hands intertwined, like the fact that Gentaro is pressed so close to him. He lets out a breath, then lifts his head to look at him.
He can't help the quiet laugh that slips from his lips. ]
I should be the one thanking you. [ Gentaro's still navigating this newfound intimacy, but he brushes his lips against Hifumi's to kiss him softly. And there's another thing--the easy, gentle intimacy. ] ... My door will always be open for you.
[ One more thing: an offer, quiet and earnest. It's not given easily, because Gentaro thinks letting people in will always be a struggle, but he means it. ]
[How is it that Hifumi is even entertaining this? The very idea of someone else getting to really know him is kind of... well, terrifying. But it feels warm and comfortable to be beside someone else who's clearly busy hiding from himself, or his past at least, and who finds solace only with very specific people. Matenrou might be nothing like Fling Posse in their dynamic, he's sure, but they're still people who found each other and held each other up.
Their eyes meet again and Hifumi smiles, only to have that smile caught by a kiss. He could get used to this.]
You're too kind.
[He can tell that's not an offer Gentaro gives to many. The pristine state of his apartment attests to that.
He's quiet for several moments after that whispered remark, before he finally admits:] I haven't dated anyone since I was in school, so... I mean, if that's where this goes, just... don't get too disappointed in me, okay?
[ Kind, huh... Gentaro wonders. He wonders how kind Hifumi would find him if he knew the extent of his lies, that he isn't even who he says he is. A quiet, pensive look crosses his face, but this is no time for darkness. Not when Hifumi's light shines so brightly.
He knows there's so much more to Hifumi than his upbeat, sunny self he projects. Gentaro thinks that makes it that much more precious. It makes him feel... less alone. The magnitude of that nearly knocks him breathless, but Gentaro is exceptionally good at hiding behind a mask.
That pensive, thoughtful look melts away, replaced by a warm, affectionate teasing one. ]
Hmm. Well... You have more experience than I. [ He tucks a bit of hair behind Hifumi's ear. ] I doubt you could disappoint me, not when you've shared more than I could have ever imagined. Rather... I look forward to learning more about you, however much you wish to share.
[Hifumi laughs, though it's not at Gentaro, but rather at how candid he's being. It's... oddly refreshing, when he's so used to hiding his own troubles from everyone, from hiding behind that jacket, or a smile. His eyes close at the gesture, leaning into Gentaro's touch.]
Well, it's not like experience counts for much, right? Not in this kinda thing!
[He opens his eyes again, then reaches over to tap the pad of a finger against the tip of Gentaro's nose.]
[ He's learning quite a lot about himself--like the way he's so weak to touch, to Hifumi's touch; how good it feels to feel someone lean into him like this; how much he's wanted something like this for so long.
He lets out a small sound at that tap, but it's not a bad sound. It's just the sound of someone who hasn't found his footing yet.
And maybe it's a little bit because he's never realized just how pretty Hifumi's eyes are. He draws in a soft breath and nudges their noses together. ]
Mmm. If you keep saying things like that, I may never want to leave your side.
[Hifumi's mouth goes dry and his voice dies on a strangled little sound. He ought to be used to people saying things like that, as a host. Still, when it's totally sincere and coming from a place where he's known, it's different.
[ There's something new, too. Gentaro's breath catches, and this close to Hifumi, there's no way he wouldn't notice. His cheeks color slightly, which is more than a bit embarrassing. Still-- How can he not be affected when Hifumi's so earnest and sincere, too? ]
Then-- [ He clears his throat lightly. ] Shall we remain at each other's sides, if we feel the same?
[A warmth runs through Hifumi at Gentaro's reactions, and he wonders what it really means. It's nothing crude, just a surge of giddy acceptance, though he doesn't know himself well enough to know that.]
Please.
[Does that sound too desperate?]
I really will be good to you. I cook, I clean, I like buying people flowers... I can pick out a mean sake, too!
[ He laughs softly, quietly, and it's a warm sound touched with something close to sheepishness. There's a knot of discomfort that coils in his stomach, but that's not Hifumi's fault. Gentaro's spent so much time alone, taking care of himself, that this freely given care is new.
But he wants to chase it. ]
Oho? [ He hums softly. ] Perhaps I'd like to test your sake selection skills, then. My standards are quite high, you see.
[ It's lightly teasing, maybe to distract from the fact that he's moving even closer to Hifumi. Laying with someone like this, pressing close together just to feel someone else against him is like nothing he's ever felt, and Gentaro wants more of it. More of those gentle touches, more of soaking up Hifumi's warmth. ]
[Hifumi expects Gentaro to reject him at any moment, on one level, but he's offering himself up so freely on every other level that he knows that reaction would break his heart. Still, he's just that sort of guy, the type to put everything on the line for happiness... just not usually his own. This is a little terrifying, but he didn't come here looking for this, so he can't even get mad at himself about it. He just came here to nap.
Maybe they'll fall asleep like this, bodies carefully pressing, lips close, eyes closed. Hifumi somehow thinks that'd be lovely.]
Then maybe you oughta let me take you out on a whole date.
[ A moment passes, then another, and despite everything Gentaro's admitted, this is the next step given form. Maybe it's because of Dice and Ramuda, but even as his instinct to push away and run as fast as he can flares, there's something else that overtakes it.
The desire to connect with another, to grow closer, to shed a bit of that armor he keeps around his heart. So. Gentaro lets out a breath and gives Hifumi a quiet, sincere smile. ]
I would like that. Of course, we'll have to work around my terribly full schedule... [ He laughs, pressing their foreheads together. ] Just kidding, of course. I have quite the open schedule.
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He recognizes that this is vulnerability, that he didn't have to share quite this much, and now Hifumi feels small. He cherishes his bonds with Doppo and Sensei deeply, but he can't even claim this kind of belonging. And... he knows it's his own fault, for hiding behind a smile and a jacket. He's somber for a moment, considering, before he realizes with a soft laugh that he's gotta have some kind of ego to compare himself to someone else's experiences, story or not.
Belatedly, he registers that that last part might... be about him.]
Maybe... it's kind of like one of those enemies-to-lovers kind of deals? [It sounds like a joke, other than his tone being as sincere as it can be.]
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Almost hesitantly, Gentaro slips his fingers through Hifumi's. He gives a quiet chuckle and squeezes his hands. ]
Maybe it is. [ His guarded expression shifts to something softer, more at ease. ] I'm quite fond of that idea, that is.
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I just... don't want you to be lonely, if I can help it. You're working so hard, after all, aren't you? And no one's really looking out for you.
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Hifumi... [ He tries to keep his voice from shaking slightly. He's only mostly successful. It's Gentaro's turn to duck his head slightly. ] If you're so determined... then I suppose I can allow it.
[ Is it obvious he's not used to letting people in? It must be. ]
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He's... for so many years, he thought that was okay.
And maybe it is! Maybe he doesn't need to open up, or reveal anything. Maybe all he needs to do to make this be a thing is to be that ray of sunshine self that everyone else loves or loathes. But someday... he can't say for sure so early, but maybe someday he could open up to Gentaro, and tell him his fears, his problems. He could stop pretending he doesn't have any, for the sake of appearances. Only Doppo has ever been a safe place, but he's been so terrified of his failings making Doppo collapse under the weight that he's kept it all to himself for ages now.
Gentaro ducks his head, and Hifumi hesitates, then tips his chin up slightly to kiss Gentaro on the forehead. It's more intimate than their earlier kiss, in its own way, and he hopes it's not too much, not unwelcome.]
...Thanks.
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It's the little things, like the kiss to his forehead. Like their hands intertwined, like the fact that Gentaro is pressed so close to him. He lets out a breath, then lifts his head to look at him.
He can't help the quiet laugh that slips from his lips. ]
I should be the one thanking you. [ Gentaro's still navigating this newfound intimacy, but he brushes his lips against Hifumi's to kiss him softly. And there's another thing--the easy, gentle intimacy. ] ... My door will always be open for you.
[ One more thing: an offer, quiet and earnest. It's not given easily, because Gentaro thinks letting people in will always be a struggle, but he means it. ]
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Their eyes meet again and Hifumi smiles, only to have that smile caught by a kiss. He could get used to this.]
You're too kind.
[He can tell that's not an offer Gentaro gives to many. The pristine state of his apartment attests to that.
He's quiet for several moments after that whispered remark, before he finally admits:] I haven't dated anyone since I was in school, so... I mean, if that's where this goes, just... don't get too disappointed in me, okay?
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He knows there's so much more to Hifumi than his upbeat, sunny self he projects. Gentaro thinks that makes it that much more precious. It makes him feel... less alone. The magnitude of that nearly knocks him breathless, but Gentaro is exceptionally good at hiding behind a mask.
That pensive, thoughtful look melts away, replaced by a warm, affectionate teasing one. ]
Hmm. Well... You have more experience than I. [ He tucks a bit of hair behind Hifumi's ear. ] I doubt you could disappoint me, not when you've shared more than I could have ever imagined. Rather... I look forward to learning more about you, however much you wish to share.
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Well, it's not like experience counts for much, right? Not in this kinda thing!
[He opens his eyes again, then reaches over to tap the pad of a finger against the tip of Gentaro's nose.]
I'll treat you like a king, no matter what!
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He lets out a small sound at that tap, but it's not a bad sound. It's just the sound of someone who hasn't found his footing yet.
And maybe it's a little bit because he's never realized just how pretty Hifumi's eyes are. He draws in a soft breath and nudges their noses together. ]
Mmm. If you keep saying things like that, I may never want to leave your side.
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His eyes close again, and he breathes:]
I already don't wanna leave yours.
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Then-- [ He clears his throat lightly. ] Shall we remain at each other's sides, if we feel the same?
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Please.
[Does that sound too desperate?]
I really will be good to you. I cook, I clean, I like buying people flowers... I can pick out a mean sake, too!
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But he wants to chase it. ]
Oho? [ He hums softly. ] Perhaps I'd like to test your sake selection skills, then. My standards are quite high, you see.
[ It's lightly teasing, maybe to distract from the fact that he's moving even closer to Hifumi. Laying with someone like this, pressing close together just to feel someone else against him is like nothing he's ever felt, and Gentaro wants more of it. More of those gentle touches, more of soaking up Hifumi's warmth. ]
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Maybe they'll fall asleep like this, bodies carefully pressing, lips close, eyes closed. Hifumi somehow thinks that'd be lovely.]
Then maybe you oughta let me take you out on a whole date.
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The desire to connect with another, to grow closer, to shed a bit of that armor he keeps around his heart. So. Gentaro lets out a breath and gives Hifumi a quiet, sincere smile. ]
I would like that. Of course, we'll have to work around my terribly full schedule... [ He laughs, pressing their foreheads together. ] Just kidding, of course. I have quite the open schedule.