[ It doesn't occur to him to reassure Hifumi that he won't use whatever he says against him, because the thought doesn't cross his mind. He's here to listen. Gentaro knows what it's like to keep secrets; he wouldn't use those against anyone.
He draws in a breath when Hifumi takes his hand. His touch may as well be made of pure electricity, the way it sparks across his skin. Gentaro swallows, hesitates for a moment, then brings his other hand over Hifumi's. He gives a gentle squeeze--easy encouragement, silent reassurance. ]
Mm. [ It's just the briefest confirmation. Another squeeze. ] Not unlike your own suit of armor, hm?
[Hifumi nods. That hand is so warm. Comforting. He instinctively pulls both their hands toward him, turning onto his back and settling them all on his chest.]
Yeah. [A pause.] I don't know where to start with that. [He laughs, hollow and faint.] How do I explain it? It's like... I became a host because I couldn't do anything else? You can't just go out in the world and expect women to not be there... So. I did the opposite, I guess? I went to them. Sort of.
[ He gives his hands a squeeze. It's... strangely intimate, but Gentaro shoves those thoughts away. He listens to Hifumi, to how he'd tackled his problem. He can't help but think they're somewhat similar.
But Hifumi, when he sheds his jacket, is unfailingly honest. Gentaro is still a liar, even when he's alone in his apartment. ]
You had very little choice. [ A pause. Another squeeze to his hands. There's something almost unreadable in Gentaro's expression. ] ... You're very brave, Hifumi. It may not seem that way, but you found a way to conquer your fears, even for a brief time.
[Hifumi's used to being close to people, in a way, so he's not thinking that much of it, other than that the sensation of hands in and on his is warm and pleasant. It makes him feel human, like the dream will fade, and so will the memories.]
No way! [This laugh is self-deprecating.] No way. Not even a little brave. Like... if I was, I wouldn't feel like running out of here right now, top speed.
His eyes widen, and he stares down at him. Hifumi's gone and said another one of those things that makes Gentaro's head spin. Did he cross a line and not realize it? He knows he does that sometimes, but-- ]
... I beg your pardon?
[ It's all he can think to say, and behind the surprise, intertwined in his voice, there's that gentle, genuine concern. ]
I'm embarrassed. [The smile he offers is honest, apologetic.] I actually want to feel bad about interrupting your day again with all this, but... [He raises their hands just a bit, and lowers them again. Emphasis.] It's kinda nice...
[Hifumi wants to say more about that, but he just smiles and leaves it, adjusting the position of his head and shoulders a bit before continuing.]
Something weird happened at the club last night, so I didn't want to go home. If Doppo saw me upset before he went to work, he'd worry. [A sigh.] And... lately, I don't want to tell him anything bad at all. He'll seriously worry. I don't want to make him feel like that.
[ Gentaro's expression softens even more, and he squeezes his hands. ]
... You're very kind. [ Hifumi had called him that earlier, too. ] You care very deeply for him.
[ A pause. Gentaro wonders how it came to this point, but when he speaks again, it's firm, resolute. ]
Should you need to talk about anything, about your past or difficult nights at work, then my door is open for you. That goes for now, until you have to leave, and the future, when you don't want to worry him.
[His smile warms a bit, less uncertain, less apologetic.]
You're... really not what I thought you were. [He pulls one of his hands out of the hold to wave it a bit defensively.] Sorry! I like guys like you, so I guess it's a darn good thing you're saying this... For me, anyway.
[Closing his eyes for another moment, as his hand ends up brushing the back of his fingers over Gentaro's cheek, he thinks about what to say next. It's pretty simple.]
Thanks. I mean it. Maybe I oughta... think about making friends sometimes, huh?
And then he looks surprised again. Gentaro's breath catches softly, both at what Hifumi says, and that touch against his cheek. His heart hammers in his chest unevenly, and for a few moments, he's not sure what to do.
In the end, he places his hand over Hifumi's. Just lightly. It would be so easy to just turn his head, brush his lips against the back of his hand. It would be easy--
He doesn't. But the thought is there, potent and enduring. ]
... I would like to get to know you better, Hifumi. You aren't what I thought you were, either. [ a pause. ] ... Thank you for trusting me with this. Your secrets are safe with me. I promise you that.
[There's something about his hand being held there against Gentaro's cheek that stills Hifumi, makes him forget to blink or breathe. His suddenly open eyes stare at the place where their hands meet, and he wonders if...
If.
If they get to know each other better, what will come of it? Will this sudden gentle pull that feels like it's coming from inside his soul intensify? Will he make a friend, the first one in ages, the first one who doesn't have him as mostly just an obligation? Could they... have coffee? Drinks? Quiet time staring into each other's eyes?
He flashes a smile.]
I dunno that there's much to get to know! There's... normal me, who's probably too depressing to want to be around. Power me, just making things work, helping people. And then there's host me, who's just going to try to sweep you off your feet, if you keep looking at me like that.
Gentaro falls silent. He shifts his gaze away from Hifumi, just slightly. It's not out of discomfort or anything so undesirable. Rather... he's thinking about something.
(He's always thinking about something, but this is entirely different.)
There are a few things he could do. Gentaro could ignore that last bit. He could laugh it off, flash a teasing smile as he shuts down that idea. He could excuse himself for a moment, go to another room, try to calm his inexplicably racing heart. He could firmly tell Hifumi that it's not a good idea, because the "Gentaro Yumeno" Hifumi thinks he knows--but then again, he doesn't, does he?--doesn't exist, not like this.
In the end, Gentaro looks back to Hifumi, that color creeping back into his cheeks, and-- ]
If host you is intent on that, I'd politely request that he treat me gently, as he would be the first to do so.
[At which point he turns and flattens his palm and fingers against Gentaro's cheek before raising the other held hand near his lips.]
It's a promise from me, too. If you've got secrets, maybe I'll hold on to them really tight for you someday, too. If you let me.
[This should feel like friends. This should feel fresh and new and exciting and terrifying... and, okay, it does... but it also feels inviting, and like a low simmering of energy Hifumi's going to have to shout out on the way home. It feels different. He wondered for so long if he was actually capable of experiencing attraction to anyone at all, and now he's kind of pretty sure that maybe he is.
Probably. It's so new, he can't even name the butterflies in his stomach.
The side of Gentaro's index finger gets pressed against Hifumi's lips, and he lets it linger there for a moment before he looks up to see if he's going in a totally wrong direction with this.]
[ Gentaro lets out a breath suspiciously close to a laugh, but...
Oh. His breath catches. This close to Hifumi, it's impossible to miss. He can't hide behind a book or a quick-witted comment. Strangely enough, he doesn't want to. The magnitude of that thought hits him, nearly renders him breathless.
He still has to remind himself to breathe. He's never felt like this when anyone's touched him. He leans into that hand, how warm it is. ]
... I will allow it, [ he murmurs finally, and he takes a chance.
He turns his head just slightly, presses his lips against Hifumi's palm. ]
[It's funny how different it is from being at the club, playing with hearts just a little, entertaining and making people have the night of their lives. This is... not terrifying, because Hifumi knows terrifying and it doesn't feel like this. This is like a cold splash of water on a hot summer day. Those lips touch his hand and he wonders how on earth he's not just dreaming.
The hand he holds near his lips is settled gently on his chest. He wants, inexplicably, to do something outright stupid, but he can't bring himself to do it. There's the nerves a host would never have. A thousand "smooth" comments come to mind, but none of them are appropriate for how gentle Gentaro has been, and how inviting.]
I haven't had a thing for anybody in a really long time. Not since... [Things.] ...I was in school, at least. I don't know why you're different, but... [He sighs, then faintly laughs.] I'm excited! I'm trying so hard not to jump the gun, here. You did say to be gentle.
Gentaro's eyes widen, just slightly. Hifumi has, yet again, surprised him. But it's far from unwanted. Hifumi is surprising, it's true, but it's in a comfortable way. As Gentaro watches him, he realizes that he wants to keep being surprised by Hifumi.
He exhales a breath he hadn't realized had stuck in his lungs. ]
Oh? Well, now you've piqued my curiosity... [ He gives him a teasing, gentle smile. He thinks he has an idea of what Hifumi considers jumping the gun, so... ] Why don't you try and see what happens? I think you'll find I'm excited, myself.
[Try? Hifumi's not sure if he should, but he can't not go for it now. It's just one little gesture, at this point. And they'll still have a very long way to go beyond it, getting to know each other. The tension is right and the moment can't pass without acknowledgment.
He knows how he'd do this as a host, so he does the opposite. Sitting up, Hifumi smiles softly, but not without a touch of excitement and maybe even anticipation. Pulling the hand at his chest up over his shoulder, he encourages Gentaro to get closer, to pull into an embrace. The hand on Gentaro's cheek drifts into his hair, the lightest of touches, and his other arm winds around him. Then Hifumi presses his lips ever so softly to Gentaro's.]
[ Gentaro lets Hifumi lead. It's... strangely nice, actually. He feels so out of his realm here, but... there are worse things to do than put himself in Hifumi's hands. Odd, that. But that smile, the way he looks excited...
He lets out a breath and leans into him. He's weak to the touch, that hand in his hair, the arm around him. Gentaro wraps both arms around his neck, and when Hifumi presses their lips together--
His heart feels like it's going to burst. He lets his eyes slip shut, returning the kiss easily, if a bit awkwardly. Hifumi's lips are warm and soft against his, and Gentaro feels like he's melting. ]
[Hifumi's warmth is enough to melt them both, really, his own eyes sliding closed as he makes the softest, gentlest sigh of relief. Maybe sometimes he longs to be close to someone. Someone who won't hurt him, someone who tries to understand.
How funny that it might be this man. In a matter of hours, they've gone from rivals to this, this... maybe something. He isn't sure where to start with people, but maybe if he takes it slow from here on out and lets himself be vulnerable, something will come of it.
Something like this gentle kiss, his lips moving delicately, bolder by the moment but not too bold. A slow burn, exploratory and curious. He just... finds that he honestly doesn't want to stop.]
[ That sigh--it wraps around his heart, lodges itself there, a memory Gentaro thinks he'll never forget. It's a sigh that's because of him, and there's something truly special about it. Gentaro decides, then, that he'd like to hear that more. Ever cautious, though, Gentaro doesn't try to prompt it; if it comes, he wants it to be a natural thing.
He's still hesitant, but he finds... it's easier to be more confident. Gentaro shifts closer to him still, burying a hand in Hifumi's hair. He lets out a soft, quiet, content sound of his own, and he realizes that he really doesn't want to stop kissing him. ]
[That sound is so unexpected. Maybe somehow Hifumi forgot that Gentaro has a passionate side. He's seen it in a rap battle before, but something about him always seemed immovably distant. Certainly Hifumi didn't set out to get this close, but now that he is, he's dangerously delighted. This is the best thing that could've happened on a weird morning after work, and he never would have expected it. Not in a bazillion years.
So he continues the kiss, slow, soft, little sighs and huffs and gentle sounds affirming that he's content. He can tell Gentaro doesn't do this often, but then again, neither does Hifumi. He's a host, so he knows what he's doing, yet something sincere and sweet as this feels like it ought to be impossible. At the same time, it feels like he's alive in a way he hasn't been in so long, like tiny yellow flowers in a park, or that one big cherry tree, full of pink-white blooms, waving in the wind, carefree.
When he finally pulls away a few inches, his eyes remain closed for a moment.]
[ This is-- it's so very dangerous. Hifumi is an opponent, and more than that, Matenrou and Fling Posse don't exactly have the best rapport. Gentaro, if he were rational in this moment, would end this here and now. But-- Gentaro finds that maybe things have a way of surprising him. Hifumi certainly has.
After all, Gentaro's here, caught in his embrace, cheeks flushed in a way he doesn't think he's ever felt. He draws in a breath, unsure of what to say-- or maybe, afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Gentaro decides none of that matters. He's already thrown caution to the wind, so what's a little more? ]
Have my expert kissing skills rendered you speechless? Goodness, I had no idea I was capable of such a thing.
[ He is, perhaps, playing it up a little more than necessary, but Gentaro's not exactly used to all this. He isn't nervous. He's just... figuring things out. ]
[Hifumi sounds appropriately breathless, just for Gentaro's sake. His eyes slide open, and with sight comes a sunshine-bright grin at the pink in Gentaro's cheeks. He won't call it out--he's being good--but he will bask in the shared warmth for a few moments more. They're still in each other's arms, after all.]
[ It's-- He laughs softly and ducks his head, just slightly. His forehead rests on Hifumi's shoulder, and he draws in a breath or two. It's so unlike him to act like this, but then again, this is new. Still.
He doesn't want Hifumi to have the upper hand, so he turns his head and presses a feather-light kiss to his neck. ]
You flatter me. But how do I know you're not just saying that to make me feel better, hmmm?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He draws in a breath when Hifumi takes his hand. His touch may as well be made of pure electricity, the way it sparks across his skin. Gentaro swallows, hesitates for a moment, then brings his other hand over Hifumi's. He gives a gentle squeeze--easy encouragement, silent reassurance. ]
Mm. [ It's just the briefest confirmation. Another squeeze. ] Not unlike your own suit of armor, hm?
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Yeah. [A pause.] I don't know where to start with that. [He laughs, hollow and faint.] How do I explain it? It's like... I became a host because I couldn't do anything else? You can't just go out in the world and expect women to not be there... So. I did the opposite, I guess? I went to them. Sort of.
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But Hifumi, when he sheds his jacket, is unfailingly honest. Gentaro is still a liar, even when he's alone in his apartment. ]
You had very little choice. [ A pause. Another squeeze to his hands. There's something almost unreadable in Gentaro's expression. ] ... You're very brave, Hifumi. It may not seem that way, but you found a way to conquer your fears, even for a brief time.
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No way! [This laugh is self-deprecating.] No way. Not even a little brave. Like... if I was, I wouldn't feel like running out of here right now, top speed.
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His eyes widen, and he stares down at him. Hifumi's gone and said another one of those things that makes Gentaro's head spin. Did he cross a line and not realize it? He knows he does that sometimes, but-- ]
... I beg your pardon?
[ It's all he can think to say, and behind the surprise, intertwined in his voice, there's that gentle, genuine concern. ]
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I'm embarrassed. [The smile he offers is honest, apologetic.] I actually want to feel bad about interrupting your day again with all this, but... [He raises their hands just a bit, and lowers them again. Emphasis.] It's kinda nice...
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[ ...
Gentaro's cheeks flood with heat and color again. He finds he likes best when Hifumi smiles, when he touches him. He's not desperate. It's just--
He hadn't realized how deeply he'd be affected by simple touch. Hifumi's smile coaxes one out of Gentaro, a gentle and quiet one. ]
... Well. If I've helped ease your hurt in any way, that-- It is more than enough for me.
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Something weird happened at the club last night, so I didn't want to go home. If Doppo saw me upset before he went to work, he'd worry. [A sigh.] And... lately, I don't want to tell him anything bad at all. He'll seriously worry. I don't want to make him feel like that.
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... You're very kind. [ Hifumi had called him that earlier, too. ] You care very deeply for him.
[ A pause. Gentaro wonders how it came to this point, but when he speaks again, it's firm, resolute. ]
Should you need to talk about anything, about your past or difficult nights at work, then my door is open for you. That goes for now, until you have to leave, and the future, when you don't want to worry him.
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You're... really not what I thought you were. [He pulls one of his hands out of the hold to wave it a bit defensively.] Sorry! I like guys like you, so I guess it's a darn good thing you're saying this... For me, anyway.
[Closing his eyes for another moment, as his hand ends up brushing the back of his fingers over Gentaro's cheek, he thinks about what to say next. It's pretty simple.]
Thanks. I mean it. Maybe I oughta... think about making friends sometimes, huh?
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[ The way he says it, it's obvious it's a joke.
And then he looks surprised again. Gentaro's breath catches softly, both at what Hifumi says, and that touch against his cheek. His heart hammers in his chest unevenly, and for a few moments, he's not sure what to do.
In the end, he places his hand over Hifumi's. Just lightly. It would be so easy to just turn his head, brush his lips against the back of his hand. It would be easy--
He doesn't. But the thought is there, potent and enduring. ]
... I would like to get to know you better, Hifumi. You aren't what I thought you were, either. [ a pause. ] ... Thank you for trusting me with this. Your secrets are safe with me. I promise you that.
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If.
If they get to know each other better, what will come of it? Will this sudden gentle pull that feels like it's coming from inside his soul intensify? Will he make a friend, the first one in ages, the first one who doesn't have him as mostly just an obligation? Could they... have coffee? Drinks? Quiet time staring into each other's eyes?
He flashes a smile.]
I dunno that there's much to get to know! There's... normal me, who's probably too depressing to want to be around. Power me, just making things work, helping people. And then there's host me, who's just going to try to sweep you off your feet, if you keep looking at me like that.
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Gentaro falls silent. He shifts his gaze away from Hifumi, just slightly. It's not out of discomfort or anything so undesirable. Rather... he's thinking about something.
(He's always thinking about something, but this is entirely different.)
There are a few things he could do. Gentaro could ignore that last bit. He could laugh it off, flash a teasing smile as he shuts down that idea. He could excuse himself for a moment, go to another room, try to calm his inexplicably racing heart. He could firmly tell Hifumi that it's not a good idea, because the "Gentaro Yumeno" Hifumi thinks he knows--but then again, he doesn't, does he?--doesn't exist, not like this.
In the end, Gentaro looks back to Hifumi, that color creeping back into his cheeks, and-- ]
If host you is intent on that, I'd politely request that he treat me gently, as he would be the first to do so.
[ --he chooses none of those things. ]
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I'm the gentlest.
[At which point he turns and flattens his palm and fingers against Gentaro's cheek before raising the other held hand near his lips.]
It's a promise from me, too. If you've got secrets, maybe I'll hold on to them really tight for you someday, too. If you let me.
[This should feel like friends. This should feel fresh and new and exciting and terrifying... and, okay, it does... but it also feels inviting, and like a low simmering of energy Hifumi's going to have to shout out on the way home. It feels different. He wondered for so long if he was actually capable of experiencing attraction to anyone at all, and now he's kind of pretty sure that maybe he is.
Probably. It's so new, he can't even name the butterflies in his stomach.
The side of Gentaro's index finger gets pressed against Hifumi's lips, and he lets it linger there for a moment before he looks up to see if he's going in a totally wrong direction with this.]
Can I try?
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Oh. His breath catches. This close to Hifumi, it's impossible to miss. He can't hide behind a book or a quick-witted comment. Strangely enough, he doesn't want to. The magnitude of that thought hits him, nearly renders him breathless.
He still has to remind himself to breathe. He's never felt like this when anyone's touched him. He leans into that hand, how warm it is. ]
... I will allow it, [ he murmurs finally, and he takes a chance.
He turns his head just slightly, presses his lips against Hifumi's palm. ]
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The hand he holds near his lips is settled gently on his chest. He wants, inexplicably, to do something outright stupid, but he can't bring himself to do it. There's the nerves a host would never have. A thousand "smooth" comments come to mind, but none of them are appropriate for how gentle Gentaro has been, and how inviting.]
I haven't had a thing for anybody in a really long time. Not since... [Things.] ...I was in school, at least. I don't know why you're different, but... [He sighs, then faintly laughs.] I'm excited! I'm trying so hard not to jump the gun, here. You did say to be gentle.
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Gentaro's eyes widen, just slightly. Hifumi has, yet again, surprised him. But it's far from unwanted. Hifumi is surprising, it's true, but it's in a comfortable way. As Gentaro watches him, he realizes that he wants to keep being surprised by Hifumi.
He exhales a breath he hadn't realized had stuck in his lungs. ]
Oh? Well, now you've piqued my curiosity... [ He gives him a teasing, gentle smile. He thinks he has an idea of what Hifumi considers jumping the gun, so... ] Why don't you try and see what happens? I think you'll find I'm excited, myself.
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He knows how he'd do this as a host, so he does the opposite. Sitting up, Hifumi smiles softly, but not without a touch of excitement and maybe even anticipation. Pulling the hand at his chest up over his shoulder, he encourages Gentaro to get closer, to pull into an embrace. The hand on Gentaro's cheek drifts into his hair, the lightest of touches, and his other arm winds around him. Then Hifumi presses his lips ever so softly to Gentaro's.]
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He lets out a breath and leans into him. He's weak to the touch, that hand in his hair, the arm around him. Gentaro wraps both arms around his neck, and when Hifumi presses their lips together--
His heart feels like it's going to burst. He lets his eyes slip shut, returning the kiss easily, if a bit awkwardly. Hifumi's lips are warm and soft against his, and Gentaro feels like he's melting. ]
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How funny that it might be this man. In a matter of hours, they've gone from rivals to this, this... maybe something. He isn't sure where to start with people, but maybe if he takes it slow from here on out and lets himself be vulnerable, something will come of it.
Something like this gentle kiss, his lips moving delicately, bolder by the moment but not too bold. A slow burn, exploratory and curious. He just... finds that he honestly doesn't want to stop.]
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He's still hesitant, but he finds... it's easier to be more confident. Gentaro shifts closer to him still, burying a hand in Hifumi's hair. He lets out a soft, quiet, content sound of his own, and he realizes that he really doesn't want to stop kissing him. ]
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So he continues the kiss, slow, soft, little sighs and huffs and gentle sounds affirming that he's content. He can tell Gentaro doesn't do this often, but then again, neither does Hifumi. He's a host, so he knows what he's doing, yet something sincere and sweet as this feels like it ought to be impossible. At the same time, it feels like he's alive in a way he hasn't been in so long, like tiny yellow flowers in a park, or that one big cherry tree, full of pink-white blooms, waving in the wind, carefree.
When he finally pulls away a few inches, his eyes remain closed for a moment.]
Man.
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After all, Gentaro's here, caught in his embrace, cheeks flushed in a way he doesn't think he's ever felt. He draws in a breath, unsure of what to say-- or maybe, afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Gentaro decides none of that matters. He's already thrown caution to the wind, so what's a little more? ]
Have my expert kissing skills rendered you speechless? Goodness, I had no idea I was capable of such a thing.
[ He is, perhaps, playing it up a little more than necessary, but Gentaro's not exactly used to all this. He isn't nervous. He's just... figuring things out. ]
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[Hifumi sounds appropriately breathless, just for Gentaro's sake. His eyes slide open, and with sight comes a sunshine-bright grin at the pink in Gentaro's cheeks. He won't call it out--he's being good--but he will bask in the shared warmth for a few moments more. They're still in each other's arms, after all.]
Told you you could be a host!
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He doesn't want Hifumi to have the upper hand, so he turns his head and presses a feather-light kiss to his neck. ]
You flatter me. But how do I know you're not just saying that to make me feel better, hmmm?
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