[ Gentaro is about to refute that, to tell him that no, he doesn't think he's a jerk at all. ... That surprises him the moment he thinks it. But Hifumi touches his shoulder, pats it, and Gentaro finds himself leaning into that touch.
Embarrassing. Completely, horribly embarrassing. Gentaro draws in a breath. He needs to make a decision; Gentaro wonders if he's going to regret this, but... ]
... It's quite far to your place, I assume. If you would like, you may rest here.
[ What is he doing? He has absolutely no idea, but it's apparently happening. ]
[God help them both, an arm is going around Gentaro so Hifumi can jostle him far too familiarly.]
No way, no way! I'll just be in the way while you're trying to work, right? You don't have to be so nice!
[There's something like a pout that take over Hifumi's expression.]
Oh no, don't tell me... you're the fussing type, too, huh? You like taking care of people? Unless you're just lonely! Well, I'm pretty good company for that!
It's bad enough that Hifumi's got his arm around him now. It's bad enough that he can feel how warm he is. Gentaro feels flustered in a way he never has before, and that it's Hifumi who's responsible--
Mortifying.
Even worse, though, is what Hifumi says, because he's completely correct. Even worse is the fact that Gentaro instinctively leans against Hifumi. He's suddenly regretting everything that's led up to this moment, actually. ]
... You're making quite a few assumptions, you know. [ He's looking away from Hifumi, but some of that color returns to his cheeks. ] As for being in the way, I assure you that you won't be.
Ahhh, my bad, sorry! I'm just kinda friendly! If I stick around, I won't make a peep!
[Hifumi's laughing for a second, but he trails off, and... realizes he's being leaned into. It's probably the worst time for him to realize that, when he's sleepy and hyperactive in equal measure.
Leaning in, he notes the red in Gentaro's cheeks.]
Um... Do you, like, want me to stay? [He sounds incredibly uncertain about that statement, and a little of the brightness saps from his tone.] I'm not trying to assume! I'm just... wondering...
[ He's suddenly, somehow, even closer. And then Hifumi asks the most pointed question. He pauses, turning it over and over again in his mind, thinking and overthinking. Gentaro isn't certain how long has passed until he finally nods. ]
Had I not wanted you to stay, I wouldn't have offered, Izanami-san.
[That sure is a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong silence. But he's watching expectantly, like this is going to be a huge revelation. And maybe it is? Hifumi's actually not used to being wanted around by most people, at least not outside of his capacity as a host, and he's absolutely aware that he has a grand total of two friends in the entire world, but... Huh.
Hifumi blinks at him owlishly for a moment, then doubles over (practically into Gentaro's lap) laughing.]
Wowza! That makes me sound waaaay stuffy! Just call me Hifumi, okies? I'll stay! Just don't make that serious face at me!
[ Vaguely, Gentaro remembers that Hifumi is a whole five years older than he is.
Strangely, he... doesn't mind that Hifumi's Like This. Sure, it's a lot. And his whole worldview has gone up in flames. (That's a lie, an exaggeration.) But Gentaro can deal with a lot. He's friends with Ramuda and Dice, after all.
What he can deal with slightly less is that Hifumi's in his lap. Oh, god. He's warm, and his hair looks very soft, and--
Gentaro clears his throat, silently wishing he could simply dissolve into the ground. ]
... Hifumi, then. [ He clears his throat once more. ] If you would like, I can fetch some blankets and a pillow for you. [ And then he remembers-- ] ... Do you need to let Kannonzaka know you're here, so he doesn't worry?
[Does it matter how old Hifumi is, when he acts like a total goofball made of pure sunshine off the clock? He doesn't think so. He's dead set on staying young at heart in a lot of ways, considering how hard life is for him when he's not... When he lets the part of him that's bruised and afraid show through. Nobody likes that Hifumi, or so he thinks. So that Hifumi stays relegated to the darkness and hidden well and truly behind the biggest, brightest smile and loudest voice in Tokyo.
His hair is still full of product and he probably at this point smells too strongly of alcohol and cigarettes to be at this close distance, but he nudges Gentaro one last time before somewhat politely righting himself at the question.]
Oh! Thanks! Doppochin's gonna be worried if I don't text him good morning. I bet he's already working hard, too! Ahhh... [His face falls for a moment.] I hope he remembered his lunch... [Nope, back to smiling, even if it's a little uneasy... because suddenly Hifumi feels guilty for being anywhere but where he should be.] I'll text him real fast! And... maybe a blanket'd be good? Gosh, you're super nice...
He feels that he's slowly uncovering yet another side of Hifumi Izanami. Gentaro's picked up on a few things--little slivers of information that he tucks away. Not to use against him, but they form a picture that Gentaro wants to see become more and more clear.
... Where did that come from? Gentaro stands and starts heading to the closet where he keeps the blankets. He pulls out a couple, just in case, and a spare pillow. ]
It's really no trouble. [ He sets the pillow down against the arm of the couch, and the blankets next to Hifumi. And he gives Hifumi one more thing: a teasing smile. ] You merely caught me on a particularly good day. How fortunate for you~
[A nice change from overnight. He's secretly uneasy about sleeping, especially in a strange place, for fear of having one of those lovely night terrors he's prone to. That wouldn't be okay to just go off about, though, so he simply smiles and finishes the tea like a good houseguest.
Looking up just in time to catch that smile, words of gratitude halt on Hifumi's tongue.]
...You really are good looking. Huh! How about that! What a smile! [He puts the tea mug down and pushes it away from the edge of the coffee table carefully, so he won't smack it with the blanket or something in his haste to get comfortable.] Maybe if you ever stop writing, you can get a job like mine! Don't you think you'd make all the ladies swoon? Probably some of the guys, too!
[ Gentaro is extremely grateful he's not holding anything, because he definitely would have dropped it. He's not unused to compliments; the countless fan letters he's saved are filled with them. But this is entirely different. This is something he's never encountered.
The fact that Hifumi, of all people, thinks he's good-looking, thinks he's got an apparently very nice smile, completely renders him speechless. His cheeks feel hot all over again, and he coughs as he looks away. Being complimented on his appearance by someone as pretty as Hifumi--
.........
Where did that come from? ]
Ah. ... While I have never considered it, I am not certain I would excel in such a profession.
[Ask Hifumi. Just ask him what he was like before he became a host.
Or don't, because he's fluffing the pillow up and patting it into place near the arm of the couch, then unfolding the blanket to draw it over himself as he turns to lay on the couch like that little exchange wasn't completely loaded.]
If you're good with words, that's part of being a host, isn't it? Haha, do you think everybody who raps could do it, then? Maybe when I put it that way, it's like... less of a good idea. [He yawns again, but it doesn't stop him.] You got a whole gimmick going on already, too. Maybe you'd like a cafe better, so you don't have to be in people's faces as much? I bet you've never fallen all over yourself telling someone how pretty they are in your life. You don't seem like the type, that's all. Even though you'd be good at it... [A grin, increasingly sleepy.] You can practice on me.
[ How is it that he's so incredibly flustered, all because of Hifumi's unexpected honesty? He clearly has no filter, too, which only makes Gentaro feel even more flustered. Gentaro decides then that this is all exhaustion-induced delirium, because the alternative is way too much for him to handle right now.
Probably ever, too.
What he's never going to be able to forget is that offer.
You'd be good at it.
Gentaro's not sure about that, and he isn't sure he wants to follow that. It's likely he won't give himself the chance. That's what he tells himself, anyway.
It's probably painfully clear that Gentaro has no idea what to do with all of that--painfully clear, and painfully awkward. ]
... Offer aside, you really should sleep. If you're still asleep in a few hours, I'll wake you.
[Hifumi's sounding very sleepy now, and his smile looks a little softer around the edges. He's trying to think of what he can do to pay Gentaro back already, though idly and slowly as his adrenaline crash settles over him. He does try to keep his eyes open long enough to get the blanket settled, even though his feet peek out at the other end. Ultimately, he drifts off with a lingering smile, hands folded on his stomach.
And then he's quiet. He's quiet for a long time, not a peep, no snoring, no labored breathing, just absolute silence that's the opposite of the racket he's been causing in Gentaro's apartment for the last hour or so.
The sun rises higher in the sky, and Hifumi's phone ever so quietly vibrates a couple of times with new messages, but he doesn't budge.
Until.
He does.
And when he does so, it's sudden, almost violent, curling to one side with a sharp intake of breath, a hand flailing out in front of him, followed by a whimper and, distinctly, the word "stop". After a few moments, he flops back onto his back just as suddenly, but his hands are restless, pulling at his hair, half clawing his face, pushing away something he must be seeing in a dream. And the protests happen again, "no" and "stop" and "why"...]
[ Hifumi sleeps so quietly that, every so often, Gentaro looks over to make sure he's doing alright. There's something peaceful about watching him, and somehow, he manages to start chipping away at that writer's block. Gentaro writes in silence, and he's making decent headway, considering how little progress he's made as of late--
And then that silence, absolute and serene, shatters like someone's taking a sledgehammer to brittle glass. Gentaro startles, alarmed, as he hears Hifumi, as he watches him in complete shock. But Gentaro can't bear to see someone in distress, so he nearly trips over his own feet in his rush to get to Hifumi. Undignified, but the situation demands decisiveness.
He doesn't want to startle or scare him, but he isn't sure-- would his words even reach him? Gentaro's hands sort of hover in the space between them as he kneels down, and he calls out firmly, ]
[He hears his name and his eyes blink rapidly open, but for a moment he isn't really seeing anything. Whatever he was dreaming about seems to sink in slowly, and he goes from confusion to something that resembles despair, curling back onto his side and reaching for Gentaro. Of course, usually it's Doppo bringing him out of this, if anyone at all, but more often than not he's left to his own devices. Having someone there, physically there, warm, concerned, close... Hifumi practically latches on to Gentaro's arms with a faltering grip, trying to pull him closer so he has something to hold on to.]
Sorry. [Why is he crying... He didn't think he'd cry in someone else's home. This, he miserably thinks, is why he doesn't have friends. This and so much more.] Sorry.
[ Gentaro is so startled that when Hifumi grips him to pull him closer, he all but falls against him. He hesitates only a moment before he loosely wraps his arms around him. This is-- this is not what he expected, but he supposes he should have.
I got stabbed at my apartment once!
Just slightly, his arms tighten around him. ]
... There's no need to apologize. [ Again, he hesitates, then brings a hand up to the back of his head. ] Not for your pain.
[If only Gentaro knew that the stabbing was the least traumatic trauma in Hifumi's life.
Still, the arms around him make Hifumi slowly lose some of the tension that's gripping him, making his body shake as he presses his face to this near-stranger's shoulder and chest. He's safe. He's not there. It's not that. It's not last night, either. It's a new day, and he's going to be okay.
And then that hand sinks into his hair, and Hifumi can't hold back a sob. It's ugly, he knows, not befitting a host, or the sunshine sort of guy he tries to be when he's comfortable. But it's the one thing he can't manage to hold back when someone's treating him kindly at times like these.
He settles down over the next minute or three, the shaking subsiding until all that really remains to show his distress is the way he's clinging to Gentaro and the unfortunate damp spot on Gentaro's clothes, near his heart.]
...No. I'm really sorry. I should've known better.
[ Gentaro doesn't mind the spot. It's only water, after all. Besides--he can't bring himself to make a fuss or criticize Hifumi in any way. He's so heartbreakingly vulnerable right now, and all Gentaro knows to do is hold him, gently card his fingers through his hair. ]
It doesn't bother me. [ His voice is quiet, little more than a murmur. ] Therefore, if it doesn't bother me, then there truly is no reason to apologize.
[He wants to look up, to try to see if Gentaro's face can betray any hint of a lie here--not that he believes the guy to be a liar, mind, just... he can't imagine someone being this kind when he's just disrupted their day. Again.
But the fingers in his hair are too soft, too gentle, too soothing. They're so kind that Hifumi believes beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man behind the gesture is unfailingly good, too. To think they were at odds in the past... it's sad, really. And Hifumi knows it was just ridiculous rivalry and his own big mouth at fault.]
Do you... [A sniff, and he tries to stop clinging so tightly.] ...do you like listening to people?
[ There's no hint of a lie in his expression. Just concern, open and honest. For a self-proclaimed liar, Gentaro isn't lying this time.
So he lets him lead. His arms are still around Hifumi, of course. He's not about to pull away when he's so affected. Gentaro's seen so many sides of Hifumi today, but he's glad for it. He's glad he's able to see a glimpse of the real Hifumi.
Granted, he's not pleased that Hifumi is so upset, so devastated. ]
I do. [ There's a small smile, pulling at the corners of his lips. ] If you would like to talk about anything, I am more than happy to listen.
[He finally looks up, just in time to catch that smile. It seems gentle. Genuine. It says he cares, somehow, maybe even has his own fears and nightmares. It reminds Hifumi that everyone who represents their Division has something or someone to fight for.
Pulling back a bit and finally letting Gentaro go, he wipes at his eyes.
This time when he talks it isn't the bright, boisterous Hifumi, nor is it the refined, extravagant host persona. He sounds... normal. Subdued. Maybe a little beat down by life. He tries to smile, but it's faint, and it doesn't reach his eyes entirely.
The fact that he wants to confide in Gentaro strikes him as strange, but also entirely logical. If anything comes of this, at worst it'll be Fling Posse using it against Matenrou at some point, and Hifumi thinks he can stomach that. He just... also doesn't think that's going to happen. He thinks this is a legitimate offer. It makes sense because in that regard, it's safe. And it avoids Hifumi telling Doppo, when Doppo is under so much stress, when Doppo is the only person who'll give him the time of day other than Sensei. And god forbid he tell Sensei about this, because he's a man of action. Hifumi doesn't want anything to come of this. He just wants it out of his head.]
Um. [He starts, stops, then he reaches to hold one of Gentaro's hands in both of his. It grounds him a bit, and though he closes his eyes for the first few words, he tries again.] So... I guess earlier it was kinda obvious that I have some problems with women? If I have my jacket on, I'm fine, but without it I get scared out of my mind when I'm around them.
[ It doesn't occur to him to reassure Hifumi that he won't use whatever he says against him, because the thought doesn't cross his mind. He's here to listen. Gentaro knows what it's like to keep secrets; he wouldn't use those against anyone.
He draws in a breath when Hifumi takes his hand. His touch may as well be made of pure electricity, the way it sparks across his skin. Gentaro swallows, hesitates for a moment, then brings his other hand over Hifumi's. He gives a gentle squeeze--easy encouragement, silent reassurance. ]
Mm. [ It's just the briefest confirmation. Another squeeze. ] Not unlike your own suit of armor, hm?
[Hifumi nods. That hand is so warm. Comforting. He instinctively pulls both their hands toward him, turning onto his back and settling them all on his chest.]
Yeah. [A pause.] I don't know where to start with that. [He laughs, hollow and faint.] How do I explain it? It's like... I became a host because I couldn't do anything else? You can't just go out in the world and expect women to not be there... So. I did the opposite, I guess? I went to them. Sort of.
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[He laughs heartily, laying a hand on Gentaro's shoulder and patting it.]
I got in trouble for being stupid, don't worry! I learned my lesson! It's just a bad habit of mine to make stupid comments I don't need to!
[Beaming.]
I'm totally chill! Mostly! Kinda like--
[Hold on he has to yawn give him a second.
It's a pretty indulgent yawn, and he shakes his head vigorously to chase off the sleepiness.]
Gosh, my b! I'm usually all cozy-wozy in bed by now...
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Embarrassing. Completely, horribly embarrassing. Gentaro draws in a breath. He needs to make a decision; Gentaro wonders if he's going to regret this, but... ]
... It's quite far to your place, I assume. If you would like, you may rest here.
[ What is he doing? He has absolutely no idea, but it's apparently happening. ]
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No way, no way! I'll just be in the way while you're trying to work, right? You don't have to be so nice!
[There's something like a pout that take over Hifumi's expression.]
Oh no, don't tell me... you're the fussing type, too, huh? You like taking care of people? Unless you're just lonely! Well, I'm pretty good company for that!
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It's bad enough that Hifumi's got his arm around him now. It's bad enough that he can feel how warm he is. Gentaro feels flustered in a way he never has before, and that it's Hifumi who's responsible--
Mortifying.
Even worse, though, is what Hifumi says, because he's completely correct. Even worse is the fact that Gentaro instinctively leans against Hifumi. He's suddenly regretting everything that's led up to this moment, actually. ]
... You're making quite a few assumptions, you know. [ He's looking away from Hifumi, but some of that color returns to his cheeks. ] As for being in the way, I assure you that you won't be.
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[Hifumi's laughing for a second, but he trails off, and... realizes he's being leaned into. It's probably the worst time for him to realize that, when he's sleepy and hyperactive in equal measure.
Leaning in, he notes the red in Gentaro's cheeks.]
Um... Do you, like, want me to stay? [He sounds incredibly uncertain about that statement, and a little of the brightness saps from his tone.] I'm not trying to assume! I'm just... wondering...
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Had I not wanted you to stay, I wouldn't have offered, Izanami-san.
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Hifumi blinks at him owlishly for a moment, then doubles over (practically into Gentaro's lap) laughing.]
Wowza! That makes me sound waaaay stuffy! Just call me Hifumi, okies? I'll stay! Just don't make that serious face at me!
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Strangely, he... doesn't mind that Hifumi's Like This. Sure, it's a lot. And his whole worldview has gone up in flames. (That's a lie, an exaggeration.) But Gentaro can deal with a lot. He's friends with Ramuda and Dice, after all.
What he can deal with slightly less is that Hifumi's in his lap. Oh, god. He's warm, and his hair looks very soft, and--
Gentaro clears his throat, silently wishing he could simply dissolve into the ground. ]
... Hifumi, then. [ He clears his throat once more. ] If you would like, I can fetch some blankets and a pillow for you. [ And then he remembers-- ] ... Do you need to let Kannonzaka know you're here, so he doesn't worry?
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His hair is still full of product and he probably at this point smells too strongly of alcohol and cigarettes to be at this close distance, but he nudges Gentaro one last time before somewhat politely righting himself at the question.]
Oh! Thanks! Doppochin's gonna be worried if I don't text him good morning. I bet he's already working hard, too! Ahhh... [His face falls for a moment.] I hope he remembered his lunch... [Nope, back to smiling, even if it's a little uneasy... because suddenly Hifumi feels guilty for being anywhere but where he should be.] I'll text him real fast! And... maybe a blanket'd be good? Gosh, you're super nice...
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He feels that he's slowly uncovering yet another side of Hifumi Izanami. Gentaro's picked up on a few things--little slivers of information that he tucks away. Not to use against him, but they form a picture that Gentaro wants to see become more and more clear.
... Where did that come from? Gentaro stands and starts heading to the closet where he keeps the blankets. He pulls out a couple, just in case, and a spare pillow. ]
It's really no trouble. [ He sets the pillow down against the arm of the couch, and the blankets next to Hifumi. And he gives Hifumi one more thing: a teasing smile. ] You merely caught me on a particularly good day. How fortunate for you~
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[A nice change from overnight. He's secretly uneasy about sleeping, especially in a strange place, for fear of having one of those lovely night terrors he's prone to. That wouldn't be okay to just go off about, though, so he simply smiles and finishes the tea like a good houseguest.
Looking up just in time to catch that smile, words of gratitude halt on Hifumi's tongue.]
...You really are good looking. Huh! How about that! What a smile! [He puts the tea mug down and pushes it away from the edge of the coffee table carefully, so he won't smack it with the blanket or something in his haste to get comfortable.] Maybe if you ever stop writing, you can get a job like mine! Don't you think you'd make all the ladies swoon? Probably some of the guys, too!
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The fact that Hifumi, of all people, thinks he's good-looking, thinks he's got an apparently very nice smile, completely renders him speechless. His cheeks feel hot all over again, and he coughs as he looks away. Being complimented on his appearance by someone as pretty as Hifumi--
.........
Where did that come from? ]
Ah. ... While I have never considered it, I am not certain I would excel in such a profession.
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[Ask Hifumi. Just ask him what he was like before he became a host.
Or don't, because he's fluffing the pillow up and patting it into place near the arm of the couch, then unfolding the blanket to draw it over himself as he turns to lay on the couch like that little exchange wasn't completely loaded.]
If you're good with words, that's part of being a host, isn't it? Haha, do you think everybody who raps could do it, then? Maybe when I put it that way, it's like... less of a good idea. [He yawns again, but it doesn't stop him.] You got a whole gimmick going on already, too. Maybe you'd like a cafe better, so you don't have to be in people's faces as much? I bet you've never fallen all over yourself telling someone how pretty they are in your life. You don't seem like the type, that's all. Even though you'd be good at it... [A grin, increasingly sleepy.] You can practice on me.
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Probably ever, too.
What he's never going to be able to forget is that offer.
You'd be good at it.
Gentaro's not sure about that, and he isn't sure he wants to follow that. It's likely he won't give himself the chance. That's what he tells himself, anyway.
It's probably painfully clear that Gentaro has no idea what to do with all of that--painfully clear, and painfully awkward. ]
... Offer aside, you really should sleep. If you're still asleep in a few hours, I'll wake you.
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[Hifumi's sounding very sleepy now, and his smile looks a little softer around the edges. He's trying to think of what he can do to pay Gentaro back already, though idly and slowly as his adrenaline crash settles over him. He does try to keep his eyes open long enough to get the blanket settled, even though his feet peek out at the other end. Ultimately, he drifts off with a lingering smile, hands folded on his stomach.
And then he's quiet. He's quiet for a long time, not a peep, no snoring, no labored breathing, just absolute silence that's the opposite of the racket he's been causing in Gentaro's apartment for the last hour or so.
The sun rises higher in the sky, and Hifumi's phone ever so quietly vibrates a couple of times with new messages, but he doesn't budge.
Until.
He does.
And when he does so, it's sudden, almost violent, curling to one side with a sharp intake of breath, a hand flailing out in front of him, followed by a whimper and, distinctly, the word "stop". After a few moments, he flops back onto his back just as suddenly, but his hands are restless, pulling at his hair, half clawing his face, pushing away something he must be seeing in a dream. And the protests happen again, "no" and "stop" and "why"...]
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And then that silence, absolute and serene, shatters like someone's taking a sledgehammer to brittle glass. Gentaro startles, alarmed, as he hears Hifumi, as he watches him in complete shock. But Gentaro can't bear to see someone in distress, so he nearly trips over his own feet in his rush to get to Hifumi. Undignified, but the situation demands decisiveness.
He doesn't want to startle or scare him, but he isn't sure-- would his words even reach him? Gentaro's hands sort of hover in the space between them as he kneels down, and he calls out firmly, ]
Hifumi-- Hifumi!
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Sorry. [Why is he crying... He didn't think he'd cry in someone else's home. This, he miserably thinks, is why he doesn't have friends. This and so much more.] Sorry.
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I got stabbed at my apartment once!
Just slightly, his arms tighten around him. ]
... There's no need to apologize. [ Again, he hesitates, then brings a hand up to the back of his head. ] Not for your pain.
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Still, the arms around him make Hifumi slowly lose some of the tension that's gripping him, making his body shake as he presses his face to this near-stranger's shoulder and chest. He's safe. He's not there. It's not that. It's not last night, either. It's a new day, and he's going to be okay.
And then that hand sinks into his hair, and Hifumi can't hold back a sob. It's ugly, he knows, not befitting a host, or the sunshine sort of guy he tries to be when he's comfortable. But it's the one thing he can't manage to hold back when someone's treating him kindly at times like these.
He settles down over the next minute or three, the shaking subsiding until all that really remains to show his distress is the way he's clinging to Gentaro and the unfortunate damp spot on Gentaro's clothes, near his heart.]
...No. I'm really sorry. I should've known better.
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It doesn't bother me. [ His voice is quiet, little more than a murmur. ] Therefore, if it doesn't bother me, then there truly is no reason to apologize.
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But the fingers in his hair are too soft, too gentle, too soothing. They're so kind that Hifumi believes beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man behind the gesture is unfailingly good, too. To think they were at odds in the past... it's sad, really. And Hifumi knows it was just ridiculous rivalry and his own big mouth at fault.]
Do you... [A sniff, and he tries to stop clinging so tightly.] ...do you like listening to people?
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So he lets him lead. His arms are still around Hifumi, of course. He's not about to pull away when he's so affected. Gentaro's seen so many sides of Hifumi today, but he's glad for it. He's glad he's able to see a glimpse of the real Hifumi.
Granted, he's not pleased that Hifumi is so upset, so devastated. ]
I do. [ There's a small smile, pulling at the corners of his lips. ] If you would like to talk about anything, I am more than happy to listen.
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Pulling back a bit and finally letting Gentaro go, he wipes at his eyes.
This time when he talks it isn't the bright, boisterous Hifumi, nor is it the refined, extravagant host persona. He sounds... normal. Subdued. Maybe a little beat down by life. He tries to smile, but it's faint, and it doesn't reach his eyes entirely.
The fact that he wants to confide in Gentaro strikes him as strange, but also entirely logical. If anything comes of this, at worst it'll be Fling Posse using it against Matenrou at some point, and Hifumi thinks he can stomach that. He just... also doesn't think that's going to happen. He thinks this is a legitimate offer. It makes sense because in that regard, it's safe. And it avoids Hifumi telling Doppo, when Doppo is under so much stress, when Doppo is the only person who'll give him the time of day other than Sensei. And god forbid he tell Sensei about this, because he's a man of action. Hifumi doesn't want anything to come of this. He just wants it out of his head.]
Um. [He starts, stops, then he reaches to hold one of Gentaro's hands in both of his. It grounds him a bit, and though he closes his eyes for the first few words, he tries again.] So... I guess earlier it was kinda obvious that I have some problems with women? If I have my jacket on, I'm fine, but without it I get scared out of my mind when I'm around them.
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He draws in a breath when Hifumi takes his hand. His touch may as well be made of pure electricity, the way it sparks across his skin. Gentaro swallows, hesitates for a moment, then brings his other hand over Hifumi's. He gives a gentle squeeze--easy encouragement, silent reassurance. ]
Mm. [ It's just the briefest confirmation. Another squeeze. ] Not unlike your own suit of armor, hm?
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Yeah. [A pause.] I don't know where to start with that. [He laughs, hollow and faint.] How do I explain it? It's like... I became a host because I couldn't do anything else? You can't just go out in the world and expect women to not be there... So. I did the opposite, I guess? I went to them. Sort of.
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