Of course Fai would seek him out after that. He'd like to say he wouldn't do the same, but Gentaro can't fool himself. A part of him appreciates that Fai's come to see him, but he also feels terrible and guilty. His rejection hadn't had the intended effect. He'd meant to chase him away.
But here he is, and Gentaro has to face the consequences of that choice.
He'd frozen in place the moment he'd seen him, and it takes a couple of fleeting moments for him to recover. ]
Naturally. [ He at least looks Fai in the face, but it's very much detached, like he doesn't want Fai to come any closer, physically or otherwise. Yet he walks over to the door and starts to open it. ] It has been a long day. I plan on turning in early, you see.
[ A flash of anger rises up in his chest, threatens to spill out past his lips in the form of words he’d surely regret. But he manages to tamp it down to a low simmer instead, breathing out through gritted teeth. ]
Early? The evening has barely just begun.
[ And he reaches out to grab onto Gentaro’s wrist, his fingers tight in their grip.
He may as well let the mask drop now. That very movement shows all of his cards, after all. ]
Why did you reject me? Give me a reason and I’ll leave you alone. I just want to know why.
[ He worried his bottom lip, the anxiety he so often conceals seeping through and onto his face. If he did something wrong, he has to know what it was. ]
[ It's not at all difficult to identify some of what Fai's feeling. That breath out--yeah, that's something he picks up on. He feels another stab of guilt, and he looks away. He can't even look at Fai when he knows he's hurt him.
That's what he does, though. Even if someone might not realize it, even if he keeps it secret, he knows in the end that he'll hurt people.
But Fai reaches out and that's when he has to look at him. Gentaro makes sure to keep his expression carefully composed. It's vastly different from the usual expression he wears with Fai. ]
I cannot allow this to proceed any further. It will end poorly for both of us. We are here to win that prize, after all. Any affection I may harbor is simply part of the game.
[ He draws in a breath. Of course Fai would pick up on that. Gentaro looks at him for a few moments, but it feels like it stretches on forever. ]
I would prefer not to do this out here.
[ He's too exposed like this. Inviting Fai in is a bad idea, but he'd rather show how much of a mess he is to just one person instead of a possible audience.
Gentaro pulls his wrist away before unlocking the door. He steps inside, holding it open as he gazes at Fai. ]
[ The door clicks shut, and Gentaro stays there for a moment or two. He doesn't know what will happen here. For as clever as he is, he isn't sure. It's maddening. He doesn't want to turn around, because the guilt threatens to eat him alive.
He could leave, right now. He could leave Fai waiting and wondering, but then again, Fai would find him. It should be comforting, but it only fills him with cold, sharp dread.
Gentaro turns to face Fai. ]
I told you, didn't I? Nothing good will come of this. If you know what's good for you, you'll give up on me.
Gentaro stays by the door, leaning against it. As he looks at Fai, he crosses his arms, as if to protect himself. ]
Because you deserve much better than I. [ ... ] Because when this ends, we'll return to our homes and never see each other again. I'm far from worth that sort of pain.
[ That smile wraps around his heart and squeezes so tightly that Gentaro can barely breathe. Even more painful is the way Fai says his name. He tightens his arms, too, around himself. It's both a defense and the way he keeps himself from going to Fai and letting him in.
He aches to touch and to be touched, but Gentaro is stubborn, too. He looks frustrated more than anything. ]
We hardly know each other. [ But that's not entirely true, is it? Fai's gotten to know him almost too well. It's why Gentaro had pulled away in the first place. If they continue down this path... ] Why are you so determined about this?
For a very long time, Gentaro has told himself he doesn't need anyone. He's fine on his own, as long as he has his brother. He had been taken from him so abruptly it had left his head spinning and world turned upside down. And he had truly been alone then.
Dice and Ramuda--they've ruined him, haven't they? Because Gentaro realizes just how much he needs other people, people who accept him and care for him. And maybe that's why he'd been so cruel to Fai, because he'd gotten too close to something he recognizes, but something that's terrifying in how new and unknown it is.
What feels right to him? It's very much like Fai's asked him, What do you want? ]
I--
[ He's about to say he doesn't know, but that's not entirely true. Here and now, Gentaro knows this moment is important. There are a million ways to say what he feels and wants, but there are moments in which even an author can't figure them out, and he's still standing by the door.
[ As if he was waiting for some sort of permission, Fai finally stands up, padding his way over to Gentaro. ]
It does, doesn't it? Granted, there's still quite a bit we don't know about one another... but feeling is what matters most.
[ Heavy secrets and difficult pasts can be revealed on their own time, after all. For now, though, Fai pulls Gentaro into a hug, his hand resting on the back of his head. ]
[ All at once, as Fai approaches, Gentaro wants to rush over to him or run. In the end, he just waits, because Gentaro thinks he wouldn't be able to run from Fai this time.
Fai doesn't disappoint, either. The moment Fai wraps him up into his arms and holds him so tenderly, Gentaro exhales a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He's warm and solid, a balm to soothe every part of him that's wounded.
What else can he do but return the hug? His arms slide around Fai, fingers curling around his shirt. ]
I should have expected you would confront me. [ He lets out a quiet, near-breathless laugh. ] You really are stubborn.
... And I'm truly sorry for causing you pain, Fai. I'll do whatever you ask of me to make it up to you.
[ There will be times Gentaro wants to run away. He won't deny that. When he thinks about telling him those secrets he's buried under layers and layers, Gentaro's chest feels tight. When it comes to that, he knows the urge will rear its head. But... there's something stronger to cut through it all: his feelings for Fai.
Gentaro feels off-kilter and slightly dazed, but breathing Fai in and focusing on his warmth helps to center him. ]
After this, I don't think I could, even if I wanted to. [ He pulls back to look up at him, then reaches up to cup his cheek. ] ... You really have done a number on me. I hope you'll take responsibility.
I will. I hope you take responsibility too, giving me these sappy feelings and all.
[ Fai certainly doesn't sound like he minds those sappy feelings, however, the smile on his face radiating in his voice as well. Turning his head to the side, he presses a kiss to Gentaro's palm. ]
[ His breath catches softly at that kiss. It's so gentle, so loving, that he feels his heart squeeze. There's a terrible moment when Gentaro feels a flare of distress, that he doesn't deserve something like this.
It passes as quickly as it comes. Gentaro takes in another breath. ]
[ He doesn't know if that simply means tangled limbs as they fall asleep or more than that, but he'll gladly take it either way. His lips drag across Gentaro's palm as he speaks, his eyes seeking out his face. ]
Though... I hope I can stay longer than just tonight.
[ It's strange just how easily Fai sparks something inside him. Gentaro meets his eyes, brushing his fingers lightly over his lips. As intimately as Fai knows him, it's difficult to not recognize that desire in his eyes. ]
[ The look in Gentaro's eyes is enough to cause butterflies in his stomach, something he doesn't experience often. His own gaze is filled with mirth, along with something more behind all of that. ]
Be careful with words like that, Mister Yumeno. I may never leave.
[ Fai's gaze has nearly the same effect. They've fooled around, yes, and Gentaro had learned that he's very much the type who prefers to give--especially when it comes to kneeling between Fai's legs and making very good use of his clever tongue.
It's easier to give rather than take, because when it comes to himself, he finds himself floundering. Right now, though, he doesn't hesitate as he pulls away from Fai and makes his way over to the bed. He pulls his shirt over his head, and with a look over his shoulder-- ]
[ With the way Gentaro is, Fai can't help but feel surprised when he takes off his shirt like that, his eyes widening just a little before he smiles. ]
Well, when you say it like that...
[ Fai makes his way across the room in a few long strides and all but tackles Gentaro to the bed. He sits, straddling his hips with his knees.
Hopefully his overzealous behavior rids Gentaro of some of his anxiety. ]
[ Gentaro lets out a startled sound, then laughs, clear and bright. As he looks up at Fai, the look on his face is soft, fond, and endlessly affectionate. Needless to say, Fai's taken care of that pesky anxiety.
Honestly, at this point, it shouldn't be too much of a surprise when his cheeks flush at the compliment. ]
... You know, that flattery is far from necessary for me to climb into bed with you.
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Of course Fai would seek him out after that. He'd like to say he wouldn't do the same, but Gentaro can't fool himself. A part of him appreciates that Fai's come to see him, but he also feels terrible and guilty. His rejection hadn't had the intended effect. He'd meant to chase him away.
But here he is, and Gentaro has to face the consequences of that choice.
He'd frozen in place the moment he'd seen him, and it takes a couple of fleeting moments for him to recover. ]
Naturally. [ He at least looks Fai in the face, but it's very much detached, like he doesn't want Fai to come any closer, physically or otherwise. Yet he walks over to the door and starts to open it. ] It has been a long day. I plan on turning in early, you see.
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Early? The evening has barely just begun.
[ And he reaches out to grab onto Gentaro’s wrist, his fingers tight in their grip.
He may as well let the mask drop now. That very movement shows all of his cards, after all. ]
Why did you reject me? Give me a reason and I’ll leave you alone. I just want to know why.
[ He worried his bottom lip, the anxiety he so often conceals seeping through and onto his face. If he did something wrong, he has to know what it was. ]
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That's what he does, though. Even if someone might not realize it, even if he keeps it secret, he knows in the end that he'll hurt people.
But Fai reaches out and that's when he has to look at him. Gentaro makes sure to keep his expression carefully composed. It's vastly different from the usual expression he wears with Fai. ]
I cannot allow this to proceed any further. It will end poorly for both of us. We are here to win that prize, after all. Any affection I may harbor is simply part of the game.
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But his grip only strengthens around Gentaro's wrist. That expression and that formal speech... it tells Fai all he needs to know. ]
Don't lie to me.
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I would prefer not to do this out here.
[ He's too exposed like this. Inviting Fai in is a bad idea, but he'd rather show how much of a mess he is to just one person instead of a possible audience.
Gentaro pulls his wrist away before unlocking the door. He steps inside, holding it open as he gazes at Fai. ]
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That's a line too far.
And so, Fai slips past Gentaro, waiting until the door is closed before finally speaking. ]
Explain yourself.
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He could leave, right now. He could leave Fai waiting and wondering, but then again, Fai would find him. It should be comforting, but it only fills him with cold, sharp dread.
Gentaro turns to face Fai. ]
I told you, didn't I? Nothing good will come of this. If you know what's good for you, you'll give up on me.
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[ Fai could say the same thing himself, after all.
But he wants to know Gentaro's reasons, so Fai sits down in a chair and crosses his legs, looking at Gentaro expectantly. ]
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Gentaro stays by the door, leaning against it. As he looks at Fai, he crosses his arms, as if to protect himself. ]
Because you deserve much better than I. [ ... ] Because when this ends, we'll return to our homes and never see each other again. I'm far from worth that sort of pain.
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You don't know that for sure, Gentaro. I am a wizard, after all.
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He aches to touch and to be touched, but Gentaro is stubborn, too. He looks frustrated more than anything. ]
We hardly know each other. [ But that's not entirely true, is it? Fai's gotten to know him almost too well. It's why Gentaro had pulled away in the first place. If they continue down this path... ] Why are you so determined about this?
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I don’t really know, to tell you the truth. Feelings like this are kind of new to me.
[ But even so, his years of living has honed his intuition. Fai knows when he’s making a mistake, and he doesn’t think that this is one. ]
I want to do what feels right, though. What feels right to you?
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For a very long time, Gentaro has told himself he doesn't need anyone. He's fine on his own, as long as he has his brother. He had been taken from him so abruptly it had left his head spinning and world turned upside down. And he had truly been alone then.
Dice and Ramuda--they've ruined him, haven't they? Because Gentaro realizes just how much he needs other people, people who accept him and care for him. And maybe that's why he'd been so cruel to Fai, because he'd gotten too close to something he recognizes, but something that's terrifying in how new and unknown it is.
What feels right to him? It's very much like Fai's asked him, What do you want? ]
I--
[ He's about to say he doesn't know, but that's not entirely true. Here and now, Gentaro knows this moment is important. There are a million ways to say what he feels and wants, but there are moments in which even an author can't figure them out, and he's still standing by the door.
Softly and honestly-- ]
Being with you feels right.
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It does, doesn't it? Granted, there's still quite a bit we don't know about one another... but feeling is what matters most.
[ Heavy secrets and difficult pasts can be revealed on their own time, after all. For now, though, Fai pulls Gentaro into a hug, his hand resting on the back of his head. ]
I won't lie... I'm happy you feel the same.
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Fai doesn't disappoint, either. The moment Fai wraps him up into his arms and holds him so tenderly, Gentaro exhales a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He's warm and solid, a balm to soothe every part of him that's wounded.
What else can he do but return the hug? His arms slide around Fai, fingers curling around his shirt. ]
I should have expected you would confront me. [ He lets out a quiet, near-breathless laugh. ] You really are stubborn.
... And I'm truly sorry for causing you pain, Fai. I'll do whatever you ask of me to make it up to you.
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[ He smiles softly, the way Gentaro grips onto his clothing indication enough that this was the right move to make. ]
Just don't run away again. As someone who has a tendency to run too, I can only do so much chasing before I give up.
[ After all, it takes a lot of courage for him to build up to confronting someone like this. He almost feels worn out. ]
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[ There will be times Gentaro wants to run away. He won't deny that. When he thinks about telling him those secrets he's buried under layers and layers, Gentaro's chest feels tight. When it comes to that, he knows the urge will rear its head. But... there's something stronger to cut through it all: his feelings for Fai.
Gentaro feels off-kilter and slightly dazed, but breathing Fai in and focusing on his warmth helps to center him. ]
After this, I don't think I could, even if I wanted to. [ He pulls back to look up at him, then reaches up to cup his cheek. ] ... You really have done a number on me. I hope you'll take responsibility.
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I will. I hope you take responsibility too, giving me these sappy feelings and all.
[ Fai certainly doesn't sound like he minds those sappy feelings, however, the smile on his face radiating in his voice as well. Turning his head to the side, he presses a kiss to Gentaro's palm. ]
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[ His breath catches softly at that kiss. It's so gentle, so loving, that he feels his heart squeeze. There's a terrible moment when Gentaro feels a flare of distress, that he doesn't deserve something like this.
It passes as quickly as it comes. Gentaro takes in another breath. ]
Stay with me tonight.
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[ He doesn't know if that simply means tangled limbs as they fall asleep or more than that, but he'll gladly take it either way. His lips drag across Gentaro's palm as he speaks, his eyes seeking out his face. ]
Though... I hope I can stay longer than just tonight.
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You can stay as long as you'd like.
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Be careful with words like that, Mister Yumeno. I may never leave.
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[ Fai's gaze has nearly the same effect. They've fooled around, yes, and Gentaro had learned that he's very much the type who prefers to give--especially when it comes to kneeling between Fai's legs and making very good use of his clever tongue.
It's easier to give rather than take, because when it comes to himself, he finds himself floundering. Right now, though, he doesn't hesitate as he pulls away from Fai and makes his way over to the bed. He pulls his shirt over his head, and with a look over his shoulder-- ]
Don't keep me waiting, now.
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Well, when you say it like that...
[ Fai makes his way across the room in a few long strides and all but tackles Gentaro to the bed. He sits, straddling his hips with his knees.
Hopefully his overzealous behavior rids Gentaro of some of his anxiety. ]
Heh... you're so cute.
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Honestly, at this point, it shouldn't be too much of a surprise when his cheeks flush at the compliment. ]
... You know, that flattery is far from necessary for me to climb into bed with you.
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sorry for taking so long aaaaaa
how dare you (affectionate)
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